Archive for the ‘Satire’ Category

False Gospel – Both Ways

September 28, 2007

Today Ain’t Your Day (And Tomorrow Ain’t Looking So Good Either)

The hypertext above is a quote from a Tom in the Box piece.  For those who have not discovered Tom and his troupe, may I strongly urge you to check him (them) out. 

In this little bit of satire the Team Tommy skewers the wealth-is-god gospel so prevalent in our culture today.  Those who proclaim a health and wealth gospel are as “another gospel” like as the ascetics who want to live in caves.

 al sends

Before David Posts Something Edifying…

August 26, 2007

Here is Rick Warren:

40 Ways to Increase Baptisms

# 20. Publicize the baptisms with posters around your church. Elicit “one line” testimonies from people who have been baptized, take an 8×10 photo of that person, and mount their photo and quote on a 2’x3’ foam board sign. Put this on a tri-pod in a visible area after the service where people can sign-up to be baptized.

Let the “its all about me” theme take root.

# 25. Always have the baptism pool warm and chlorinated before services.

This is particularly funny to me because all of my children were baptized when the heater in the baptismal pool was broken.  One daughter even cried, driving many away from obedience I am sure.

# 37. Give a follow-up booklet, a button, and a free gift for those who obey Christ’s command to be baptized.

I suggest cash.  Nothing says devotion like a Benjamin!

#39. When baptizing grade school children, have the baptizing pastor hold their hands lifted high after they come out of the water, like you would with a winner in game.

If possible have Queen’s “We are the Champions” or the theme from Rocky playing in the background.  Follow this up with a screening of the movie Beaches or Rudy.

Ahhh… Baptists.

al sends (HT: What?… Um via David M.)

Pensacola Christian College… a Missions Sending Organization?

August 17, 2007

This from the Tom in the Box News Network…  A disturbing trend to be sure.

Read it for yourself

al sends

Busier Than a Ukulele Rock Star

August 2, 2007

Sorry the posting has been nonexistent of late… Family stuff, Church Stuff, More Stuff…

I plan on continuing my posts about the Lord’s Prayer soon… until then. Please check out these fine folks…

The Bayly Brothers take us to task over abortion…

Trey Austin talks “Just War” and torture…

Dan Phillips ponders book titles (sharp – pointy stick in the eye sharp)…

And finally – this is an oldie but a goodie:

al sends

Discrepancies

July 18, 2007

I passed the 1st Apostolic Oneness Pentecostal Church in our little town and saw this on their church sign:

15 Baptisms and 10 Filled with the Holy Ghost.

And two things crossed my mind…

1) Oh, how sad! The five who didn’t get the Holy Ghost filling thingy, must be terribly upset.

2) That there is a remedy for this discrepancy. Tom in the Box, linked to the right, has developed just what they need. Take a look:

Do you ever find yourself on Sunday mornings, tired, depressed, down and out? Ever feel like you just can’t “get into the spirit” of the worship? Do the songs seem dull and repetitive? Are you just plain lousy at speaking in tongues? Now there’s help.

Spiritryl is a new specially formulated all-natural supplement to boost your religious fervor. Just one dose of Spiritryl and you’ll be the most spiritual and worshipful person in your congregation, GUARANTEED!

The Spirit Filled life aint easy, but now there’s a pill that can help.

al sends

The Right Honorable Senator From New York (your future president)

April 19, 2007

OK, I just threw that last part in to scare you…

This is a wonderful bit of bite from Scott Ott, scribe of Scrapple Face:

Hillary: Court Ruling Stabs Women in the Back of the Head

by Scott Ott

(2007-04-19) — Yesterday’s Supreme Court ruling in Gonzales v. Carhart upholding the right of Congress and state legislatures to regulate abortion and, in particular, to ban partial-birth abortion, is “a blade to the back of the head of every woman in America,” according to Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-NY.

“I know I speak for my sisters across the nation,” said Sen. Clinton, “when I say that I feel like someone grabbed me by the ankles, and jammed a pair of scissors into the base of my skull and then just sucked my brains out. This is devastating to our freedoms and our sense who we are as the largest minority group in America.”

Mrs. Clinton derided the justices who comprised the majority in the 5-4 ruling as “a gang of callous right-wingers who slaughtered the civil rights of women just as we are about to experience a new birth of freedom with the election of the first female president.”

“All that potential, all that hope is now tossed down the garbage chute,” she said, “and all because five selfish judges decided that their so-called ‘right to choose’ supersedes the life of the women’s movement. It’s despicable.”

That’s as bad as telling them Jesus loves them.

February 7, 2007

I added a new link to the sidebar, Horn Swoggled. Humorous content with real commentary on church life. He needs to post a bit more since what he has up is enjoyable. Check out HornSwoggled for an answer to the Francis Chan video that was all squishy about sin and repentance…

Al sends

Do not read… (with coffee in your mouth)

February 5, 2007

For those of you who have family members ensnared by the evil and growing Reformed Blog-O-Sphere…

Website blocking software

Al sends