Archive for the ‘Signs Signs Everywhere Signs’ Category

But does He recycle junk?

December 9, 2007

A church sign that genuinely requires no commentary:

I was going to waste, but Jesus recycled me.

(Thanks, Ed.)

Makes Me Tipsy Just Thinking About It

July 21, 2007

Church sign spotted near my neighborhood:

Salvation is a helmet, not a nightcap.

Hmm. Sure it’s cute and all, but I’m not certain what to make of this one. But let’s have a thought experiment: if salvation were a cocktail before bedtime, what kind of cocktail would it be?

Discrepancies

July 18, 2007

I passed the 1st Apostolic Oneness Pentecostal Church in our little town and saw this on their church sign:

15 Baptisms and 10 Filled with the Holy Ghost.

And two things crossed my mind…

1) Oh, how sad! The five who didn’t get the Holy Ghost filling thingy, must be terribly upset.

2) That there is a remedy for this discrepancy. Tom in the Box, linked to the right, has developed just what they need. Take a look:

Do you ever find yourself on Sunday mornings, tired, depressed, down and out? Ever feel like you just can’t “get into the spirit” of the worship? Do the songs seem dull and repetitive? Are you just plain lousy at speaking in tongues? Now there’s help.

Spiritryl is a new specially formulated all-natural supplement to boost your religious fervor. Just one dose of Spiritryl and you’ll be the most spiritual and worshipful person in your congregation, GUARANTEED!

The Spirit Filled life aint easy, but now there’s a pill that can help.

al sends

…And They’re Less Fattening, Too

July 2, 2007

“Our Sundays are better than Baskin Robbins.”

If I were to call that cheesy, at least I would be in the right food group.

Let’s Stay Away from That Place

June 30, 2007

Church sign spotted yesterday:

Free trip to heaven. Details inside.

The best commentary on this sign came from my 7-year-old, who, after I read the sign and groaned, asked, “Don’t you have to get killed to go to heaven?”

So that’s what goes on in there, huh?

VBS Signs

June 4, 2007

Tis the season for Vacation Bible School.  Time for Jesus to be matched up with a good game of football, crafts and flannel graphs (did that date me?).

 Some silliness is to be expected this time of year.  After all the Church is seeking to be relevant and in that seeking she has proven herself to be the least relevant thing on the block.  Case in point:

Bugs Life in Jesus

The above is an advert for a day camp at one of our local churches.  Some exit questions?

How long ago did A Bug’s Life come out?

Is it still popular?

How long did it take to work Jesus into this bit of tripe?

al sends

(more substantive post tomorrow)

The Scrabble Study Bible

May 23, 2007

“If you’re looking for a sign from God this is it.”

Whew! What a relief. I was looking for a good opportunity to put God to the test this afternoon, so I sure am glad I ran across this fine piece of theological absurdity. I guess the resurrection was not a good enough sign after all.

Though it does make a fellow think: If the Almighty were going to send me a sign, would he use a literal sign with movable vinyl letters? Maybe when I get home I’ll take my bag of Scrabble letters and dump them out and read the “message.”

Stand by, Ubergoober! You might get a prophetic announcement soon.

Jesus the Science Experiment

May 23, 2007

Spotted: “Ascension: what goes up comes down.”

So Jesus’ Second Coming will be the result of gravitational pull?

Cute? Try Vapid

May 11, 2007

Spotted in front of a local church: “Plug in and get current with God.”

Why do Christians feel like they have to be cute in order to make sense or be appealing or say something interesting?

So, Whaddya Think?

April 19, 2007

Sign posted in front of a Lutheran church in town (no offense, Martin):

“God will never give us more than we can handle.”

Come, gentle reader, tell me if you think that is true.